jokes

[Bellemorte]

Two women called at my door yesterday and asked what type of bread I ate?
When I said "white"
They lectured me on the benefits of brown bread for 20 mins
Bloody Hovis Witnessess!

[Merryknees]

By the way Tollerance I WARNED YOU NOT TO UPLOAD THAT EMAIL

[capt`n jack ,bearded ole pie-rate]

I parked in a disabled parking space today and a traffic warden , shouted at me ...`Oi what`s your disability ?.
I said Tourettes ! Now fcuk off....

[Jude]

[Bellemorte]

> Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm
> gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
>
> He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts "I'M A LIGHTBULB!
> I'M
> A LIGHTBULB!" Murphy watches in amazement!
>
> The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site.
>
> Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
>
> "Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
>
> "I cant work in the friggin dark! " says Murphy.

[Bellemorte]

> Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours
> of
> amazing sex Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on"

[Bellemorte]

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"

[Bellemorte]

Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say
"Crikey! Therese a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "Whats his name?"

Mick replies "Miles from London!"

[capt`n jack ,bearded ole pie-rate]

BAD TASTE JOKE
Flasher exposes himself to two grannies , one had a stroke. and the other could`nt reach!...

[Bellemorte]

Irish Medical Dictionary

Artery..........................The study of paintings
Bacteria......................Back door to cafeteria
Barium.......................What doctors do when patients die
Benign........................What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section.......A neighbourhood in Rome
Catscan......................Searching for Kitty
Cauterize....................Made eye contact with her
Colic............................A sheep dog
Coma...........................A punctuation mark
Dilate..........................To live long
Enema.........................Not a friend
Fester..........................Quicker than someone else
Fibula.........................A small lie
Impotent....................Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain...............Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane
Morbid.......................A higher offer
Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates
Node...........................I knew it
Outpatient...................A person who has fainted
Pelvis..........................Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative............A letter carrier
Recovery Room..........Place to do upholstery
Rectum........................Nearly killed him
Secretion.....................Hiding something
Seizure........................Roman emperor
Tablet.........................A small table
Terminal Illness..........Getting sick at the airport
Tumour.......................One plus one more
Urine..........................Opposite of you're out

[Bellemorte]

Ever worked for a boss that reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through?

Harley Davidson , feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, 'How much money do you make a week?'

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, 'I make $400 a week. Why?'
The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back.'

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here? '

From across the room came a voice, 'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'

[capt`n jack ,bearded ole pie-rate]

Paddy is doing a crossword and he turns to Mick and says "i`m stuck on one question , it`s a flightless bird of Iceland , 6 & 7 letters". Mick says "you daft c@nt......... it`s a FROZEN CHICKEN....